1. Leave the giblets IN the plastic bag inside the turkey. Place in oven until the poisonous smell fills the kitchen.
2. Forget to turn the oven ON.
3. Forget to turn the timer ON.
4. Float the turkey in a sea of juices…he probably needs a bath, and will look cute as a boat for the gravy.
5. Be considerate and take the turkey’s temperature under his wing instead of up his rear. 
6. Overfill the fryer with oil, any oil except Peanut Oil. Enjoy the fireworks instead of the turkey. Or, to set the stage for a reenactment of the Civil War, complete with canon, make sure the fryer is sitting on unleveled ground.
7. Wait until 11:03 a.m. to take the turkey out of the fridge and find out it is STILL frozen.
8. DO inject yourself instead of the turkey with your favorite drink …we wouldn’t want the chef to dry out during cooking!
9. If all else fails and the turkey comes out perfect, there’s always the old Christmas Story standby—let the neighbors’ dogs in for a little snack before dinner.
Now it’s the turkeys outside going “gobble, gobble” instead of you and yours!
I’m sorry the pictures are blurred. I took them through the glass patio doors so I wouldn’t scare them away.
Wynne Huddleston 